Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Year in Review

 I did not win the Nobel Prize for Literature.

 I did not get a 10-year extension from the Angels (or, come to think of it, the Devils).

 I am not going to be the Republican nominee. Probably.

 I did not read any of my poems at the Super Bowl halftime show. (N.B. I have written new poems since then.)

 Neither Brad Pitt nor Tilda Swinton is playing me in a new biopic. (On the plus side, neither is Cee Lo Green nor The Swedish Chef.)

 My new budget is deadlocked in committee. If it isn't passed (and funded) soon, I may have to shut down.

 Last time I looked, at least 3 of the authors on the NYT bestseller list were dead. (In several more cases one just couldn't tell.) This offers me promise for the future.


Richard Epstein said...

Those little boxes in front of each item? They were supposed to be pointing fingers. Very disappointing.

karensomethingorother said...

The Swedish Chef, eh. Mork, mork, mork.

Somehow I find it very endearing that you too suffer from the pitfalls of HTML.

karensomethingorother said...

and by the way, what will you have to shut down?

Richard Epstein said...

Oh, ethanol support, enforcement of anti-medical marijuana laws, foreign aid to Pakistan, the No Poet Left Behind program--just the usual stuff.

karensomethingorother said...

No Poet Left Behind. Very droll.

I might have known.

Caratacus said...

But you WERE published in the Shit Creek Review. Which really did exist. Which even nominated your poem for a Pushcart. Which probably does not really exist.

Richard Epstein said...

Well, that's all true, and great comfort it is to me as I palely loiter over my 2011 calendar. And I tell myself, "You're not responsible for the demise of the SCR. It didn't fail because you appeared in it. That's what happens to all things brown and beautiful."